Deliberations of unreal

I went for a job interview yesterday which entailed giving a presentation to a panel of senior scientists. I had very little time to prepare having just created the presentation the night before and not going through any dummy runs with it at all. I had no time to be doubtful and figured anyway that as life is bringing this situation together then life also will take care of it in it's own way.

I could see on the morning of the interview that my mind was bringing up all sorts of doubts and agitations, like shadowy distractions of untruth, uncomfortable deliberations of unreal. When I looked at these doubts I could see they weren't true, just dark imaginings with no basis in reality. Only if I took them to be real would they become real, my actions and subsequent thinking would be tainted by the misperception. I would believe myself to be something other than what I am, and people would respond in relation to what they felt of me and the doubtful non assertiveness they picked up within my speech.

How many of us hang out in our minds within this place of shadows, taking our doubts to be real and winding ourselves up no end whilst staying small? For me it's every day until I catch myself.

How are these doubts resolved? By associating as much as possible with the part of us that can observe and see the doubts as they arise. To just be there without question without trying to figure things out. Allowing the felt sense of things a greater role within our lives. Things are after all what we feel, and less as what we think.

I arrived at the interview and thought that the only way I can do this is to just be as I am and allow everything to occur as it will. Because reacting to my thoughts just created a problem for me. So whether I get the job or not for me at least I kicked ass and was the person that I am faults and all.

Ronnie